Friday, December 29, 2017

All the Frills: Six Months and the Year in Review

We made it to six months! And Eleanor Elizabeth Medea just keeps getting cuter. It's also nearing the end of 2017, which seems as logical a time as any to reflect back on the year.

2017 was a pretty huge year for me. It felt a lot of times like the whole world was just going to straight to hell (thanks largely to the dangerously moronic Trump, a cadre of alt-right jackasses who just could not help but be monumental assholes, and an ever growing list of men who got rightfully outed as abusers). But in my little corner of the world, two huge things happened.

The first was that I finally published my book, which I had spent close to 10 years working on.

The second, of course, is that I had my wonderful Eleanor. But motherhood has brought, as you might imagine, its own challenges. It started off rough. The last few weeks of my pregnancy were almost intolerable and then I had a very traumatic birth experience that left me psychologically battered and damaged. I'be lying if I said it didn't take me months to come back from that and that I still have flashes of sadness and anxiety over it. I also found the first few months of motherhood to be pretty rough. I had a lot of support from family and friends and other new moms that I was fortunate enough to know, but I still felt isolated, lonely, and guilty (mostly because I found I sort of hated being at home all the time and found myself longing for my return to work, which made me question daily whether or not I was a horrible mother, and also because I HATED breastfeeding and threw in the towel on that fairly early and, according to an alarming number of people in real life and online and in the medical community, that was basically a selfish and stupid decision on my part and I was damaging my baby because of it). I don't want to make it sound like it has all been negative - it truly hasn't (Eleanor is a wonderful, curious little child and I adore her unlike anything I've ever had in my life) - but there have definitely been dark times.

I think it's important to acknowledge all these problematic times alongside the joyful ones so that I can start 2018 in the most honest and transparent way possible. I imagine that, like me, most of you have probably had a rather mixed bag of a year (I think that's probably the way it goes for almost everyone, almost all the time) and I hope you all have a tranquil New Years and enter 2018 refreshed and centred and filled with optimism.

Weekend Reading:


Mica said...

Your daughter is adorable! Motherhood is tough, and such a big adjustment, but you get through it so much stronger and look at how cute your daughter is. You're doing a great job.

I hope that 2018 is a better year from you and you see the benefits from all the tough times in 2017 - ti's so much easier to face all of the sleep regressions and things once you remember you go through the crazy newborn days! :)

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and are having a great week! It's hard to believe there are just a couple of days left in 2017! A happy new year to you.

Away From The Blue Blog

The Elle Diaries said...

What a beautiful child you have ! Yes, quite a year, I am sorry that it started with trauma and Joy in equal measures... but that is life sometimes.
as to the state of our country... Sigh.. I feel you.

I remember, barely, feeling similar things after my babies were born.. it is often hormonal, but I did not suffer traumatic issues from the birthing experiences... I am so sorry you did. Very sorry. My first pregnancy did however, trigger an autoimmune disease that it took a while to diagnose, but I am stable now.

It get better and better, and easier still. My children are 27 and 29, and thriving so I Love to hear and see stories of younger women with so much substance, and just beginning this wonderfully gratifying, if sometimes difficult, stage of life.

Your daughter is adorable and I love the name you chose for her.
Congratulations on your book, I will look for it !

I wish you all the best for the coming New year.

xoxo , Elle

Cee said...

What a year it has been for you! Speaking as someone who has no children but has published a book, that alone is such a huge labour of love - and to bring a child into the world at the same time, with all of the anxiety that comes with both of those things... well, I can't even imagine. But you've done it, and I admire your ability to be brutally honest about the ups and downs, because anyone who says parenthood is all bliss is either lying or selling something and frankly, the truth is so much more interesting :) Happy New Year!

JennaStevie said...

You've had an insane year!! I can only imagine that motherhood is tough, it's really hard to know whether I want to do that or not. It sounds incredibly challenging and there are so many people that can make you feel bad about your decisions (your boobs, your choice!) but look at those adorable chubby cheeks. She's so damn cute!

Unknown said...

It sounds like you had an exciting year. I love the cute photos of your little baby. Motherhood seems like it would be tough but I have no idea because I'm just a girl but I hope 2018 is a great year for you.

Lorena said...

It sounds like its been a roller coaster but you have pulled through ! and what an amazing award: she is so cuteeee!
I think its noteworthy and brave that you put yourself out there and say what motherhood is really like, others make it look like its a fairy tale and its unreal, its a lot of hard work, thank you for saying it. Someone has to.
I am heading to read your suggested reads, they are always so interesting. I am lazy on finding good reads on line, so I always look forward to reading yours.